


whp extras

by harry_styleswho



Series: whp universe [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medical, Alternate Universe - No One Direction, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Character Death, Domestic Fluff, Domestic Harry Styles, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Kid Fic, M/M, Medical Conditions, Medical Inaccuracies, Minor Character Death, Non-Canonical Character Death, Parent Harry, Postpartum Depression, Single Parent Harry Styles, all major characters are alive and well!, postpartum anxiety, the major character death is from a non-canon one shot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:20:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23600704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harry_styleswho/pseuds/harry_styleswho
Summary: here is harry’s pov of chapter one! it gives a little insight into harry and camille, and how harry was feeling through the events of that chapter. i hope you enjoy xxx
Relationships: Harry Styles/Original Female Character(s)
Series: whp universe [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698772
Kudos: 7





	1. when harry meets thea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here is harry’s pov of chapter one! it gives a little insight into harry and camille, and how harry was feeling through the events of that chapter. i hope you enjoy xxx

At twenty-four years old, Harry never thought his life would turn out this way. But nevertheless, here he was, a father (a _single_ father, no less) of a two month premature baby boy with a heart condition, permanently residing in a hospital until who knew how long.

And he wasn’t heartbroken that Camille had left him, no. She was scared, and Harry supposed he could understand. He, himself, was _terrified_. So he didn’t care that Camille had left him, but it tore him up that she left _Cayden_. Their beautiful baby boy who came into this world with little to nothing but a fighting chance. The same little boy who clung to Harry’s finger, his whole fist encompassing just one of Harry’s fingers, when he was scared or nervous. The same little boy deserved the world but ended up getting a mother who abandoned him and a father who had no idea how to save him. She left _him_ , and that hurt Harry more than he could put into words.

And so, when the nurse gave Harry Camille’s letter, and those clothes he had brought for her slipped through his fingers, his heart began to ache, but it wasn’t aching for him. It was aching for that little bundle of everything that was fast asleep, unknowing of the world’s cruelness. Harry hated her for leaving their son. But the heartache only lasted so long before it was transformed into utter _heartbreak_ as the nurse shoved a pair of scrubs in his hands and pushed him into an O.R., forcing him to watch as his little boy was operated on.

It was then Harry decided the world was unfailingly cruel.

But then Harry saw her, and the world became a little less cruel. At first, he saw her green eyes that tinted blue towards the edges. He had noticed her for a split second, right after Cayden got out of surgery. She was nearly pressed up against the small window outside the NICU, and there was a frown on her beautiful face. Which Harry thought to be quite a crime. Though before she noticed he had caught her look, she was suddenly a flurry of hair and lab coat as she sprinted down the hall.

Then Harry turned his head towards his son, and he felt his heart break a little.

Harry didn’t see the mystery blue-green eyed girl until he felt like his heart was torn completely in half.

It was just a split second that Harry’s eyes left Cayden. He turned his back to pull a bag of crisps from the overnight bag he had brought. As his hand sorted through the bag, his eyes caught on to the articles of clothing he had brought Camille. Suddenly, his heart felt heavy in his chest as he wondered how he would get her belongings back to her. Would she show up at the flat? Or maybe even come by the hospital? Harry wished for the latter. That way, it’d give him a chance to plead for her to stay. If not for him, for their son.

The heaviness in Harry’s chest only lasted so long before he heard an abnormal gurgling sound. It was so quiet at first that Harry wasn’t quite sure he heard it. Then it was louder, and it resembled more of a choking sound. Harry’s head whipped around, seeing his son’s mouth wide open, his complexion leaning a hint too blue. In a whirl, Harry fumbled with the nurses’ button at the side of Cayden’s incubator. Frantically, he pressed it more times than he was able to count.

Then before he could blink, a flurry of nurses stood over his son, and he heard heavy footsteps making their way into the room. The blue-green eyed girl suddenly came into view, escorted by a older, Asian doctor. The doctor looked over to Harry, and she had this aura about her that made Harry feel inferior but also slightly calmer at the same time.

“I- I don’t what happened.” Harry felt the need to explain, his voice coming out in a gasp. There was urge to cry lodged in his throat, but Harry pushed it down. He wouldn’t cry. He was going to be strong for his son. “He was sleeping, and he started choking like he was trying to cough up something. He turned blue, and—”

“Mr. Styles.” The older doctor interrupted him, and Harry’s eyes flickered down to her lab coat to see her name etched in the fabric. Dr. Avery. “Everything’s going to be all right.” Then she turned to the group of nurses, making her way towards Cayden. “I need suction quickly. His lungs are congested.”

His lungs? Harry felt his heart lurch in his chest. How could this be happening? How could everything be falling apart so quickly? His beautiful, baby boy was dying right before his eyes, and there was nothing he could do about it. Suddenly, he felt like throwing up.

He really hadn’t realized that he was holding his breath until what felt an eternity passed, and Dr. Avery finally stepped back from Cayden. Her chest deflated in what looked like a sigh of relief. Leaning forward, Harry saw the color was back in Cayden’s complexion. Well, the purplish-red tint his skin had taken to the moment he was born. Harry didn’t know much about infants, but he knew their skin tone didn’t resemble that of his son’s.

Before he could think twice, Harry took two big strides, and he stood at Cayden’s side. A tube was now sticking out of his mouth, and Harry wasn’t much of a doctor, though he presumed it was for the congestion that Dr. Avery was so worried about. An IV needle was now sticking in Cayden’s tiny arm, though Harry didn’t know what it was for. Feeding, possibly? Either way, the sight made Harry’s knees wobble.

“He needs to be a permanent rotation.” Harry heard Dr. Avery said, though he refused to look away from Cayden. “Be sure to check the feeding tube and the suction. Page me if anything happens. Keep me updated every thirty minutes.”

There a blur of movement from Harry’s peripheral vision, and it caused him to look up, eyes meeting those blue-green ones he had been thinking about (when his mind wasn’t all consumed about his son, of course). There was something in the depth of her eyes that made Harry’s heart beat harder in his chest. Her gaze flickered up to the bun atop of his head and a small smile tilted the corner of her lips. Harry wondered what she was thinking about. When her eyes found his again, they instilled something in him that warmed his entire body.

It was hope.

“Dr. Grace!”

The girl whirled around before scurrying towards Dr. Avery who stood in the doorway. Harry watched as the pair sped out of the room, eyes following them as they walked passed the small glass window.

He heard a muffled voice ask, “who was that?” and it made Harry’s heart flutter that she was asking about him. Though before he could contemplate it much, Cayden was yawning loudly, and Harry’s eyes were on him. His tiny limbs stretched out, and Harry momentarily worried that he’d mess up with the wires hooked up to his body, but the worry soon dissipated when Cayden squinted his eyes up at Harry.

As if seeking some comfort, Cayden’s hand moved to grab Harry’s forefinger. His whole fist encompassed one of Harry’s fingers, and just like that, Harry became his. He was a different person. A person that belonged to that little bundle blinking up at him.

That was the moment Cayden became Harry’s everything.

* * *

The call went straight to voicemail (again). Harry hissed a curse under his breath, waiting for the beep to leave yet another voice message.

“Camille,” he sighed out, shaking his head. His eyes flickered to Cayden, who was fast asleep, subconsciously sucking on his bottom lip in his sleep. “You can’t do this to him. You cannot leave him like this. Just please, call me back. Not for me, but for our son. Please.”

He hung up after that, promptly hanging his head.

He just didn’t get it. He didn’t understand how Camille didn’t fall in love with their son just from one look. How her heart couldn’t be so undeniably consumed with Cayden that she couldn’t dream of leaving him. How could she do this to him? How could she condemn him to a life without his mother? Harry didn’t get it. He didn’t get it, because when he looked at his baby boy, there was the surge of protectiveness inside of him, and he knew he would do anything for his son.

“Harry?”

Harry’s head bolted up at the sound of the familiar voice, and he felt an esteemed amount of relief at the sight of his sister standing before him. Suddenly, he felt like crying, throat closing up and eyes burning.

He stuttered out a ragged breath, stumbling to his feet as he sighed out, “Gem.”

Gemma must’ve seen the look in her brother’s eyes because her face crumbled, arms opening wide. “Oh, Harry.”

Harry fell into his sister’s embrace willingly, tucking his face into the crook of her neck and willing the evilness of the world away. Gemma’s hand went to the back of his head as he gently stroked his hair, pressing a kiss to the top of his head.

“It’s okay, Harry,” she whispered. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

Harry simply shook his head. Despite the burning in his eyes, not a single tear fell. And by the time he pulled away, he was certain the lump in his throat had grown ten fold, but he simply swallowed it down.

Gemma’s eyes swept across his face as she kept her brother at arms length. “You good?”

Harry only nodded, and Gemma’s eyes moved past his shoulders towards the small bundle fast asleep in his incubator.

She looked towards Harry. “Is that him?”

“Yeah.” Harry nodded, following her eyes and smiling softly, “that’s Cayden.”

A softness found Gemma’s face, and Harry felt a warmth surround him at the sight of it. Slowly, Harry watched his sister make her way towards Cayden. Her movements were quiet, and when she finally made it to the sleeping baby, the tips of fingers gently trailed across the apples of his cheeks.

“He’s beautiful,” she whispered tenderly, almost in awe. She looked over to her brother, a playful glint in her eyes. “Are you sure you helped make him?”

“Ha ha,” Harry deadpanned, moving to stand next to Gemma in order to look over at his son. “He is beautiful, though, isn’t he?”

Gemma nodded. “He is. You did good, little bro.”

There was a moment of simply gazing at the up and down motion of Cayden’s chest as he slept. He was still sucking on his bottom lip, and Harry figured it was a calming mechanism for him. Harry’s mum always said Harry sucked on the inside of his cheeks when he was trying to go to sleep at Cayden’s age, and it really struck Harry in that moment. He had made that little human sleeping away. He had made that little thing, and soon, he would have a personality of his own. He would be one of a kind, and Harry made him. The thought caused warmth to travel through Harry’s chest.

This was _his_ son, and Harry was certain he hadn’t loved anything as much as he loved that little boy.

Harry was so deep in thought, he hadn’t noticed Gemma had walked across the room and was now sitting in the seat across from Cayden’s incubator.

“So,” Gemma spoke, and Harry looked around to see her head darting from side to side, looking for someone, “where’s Camille?”

Harry’s head fell. “She’s, uh, she’s not here.”

Gemma’s entire body stiffened, and her eyes flicked over to Cayden before returning back towards her brother.

“What do you mean she’s not here?” she hissed, eyes wide and brows furrowed. “She had an emergency cesarean less than forty-eight hours ago. They wouldn’t discharge her until at least a week.”

“They didn’t discharge her.”

Gemma’s face twisted into confusion. “Then how?”

“She discharged herself, and left us this morning,” he said, turning to face Cayden solemnly. His back was to his sister when he spoke again. “She said she couldn’t be a mother to a baby, and she definitely couldn’t be a mother to a premie, sick baby. So, she left. She waited until I went to go get her a change of clothes, then she… she just left.”

“Oh, Harry.”

“It’s fine.” Harry shook his head, but kept his eyes trained on his son. “I wasn’t in love with her. Not in the romantic sense. She is— _was_ , I guess—my best friend, and it hurts that she abandoned me. But it hurts more that she abandoned our son.”

Harry heard Gemma get up from the chair, and a few moments later, he felt the weight of her arm wrapping itself around him. She didn’t say a word; she just simply held her brother.

“He’s so innocent, Gem,” Harry whispered into his sister’s shoulder. “I love him so much. Why doesn’t she?”

“I know you do, Harry. And that makes you an amazing father.”

Harry shook his head. “He’s sick. He’s sick, and I can’t save him. I- I can’t lose him. I can’t.”

“He’s going to be fine, Harry.” Gemma squeezed him tighter to her body. “He’s going to be just fine.”

Finally, when the burn in his eyes became too much, Harry allowed the tears to fall. All the while, his baby was fast asleep, unknowing of the world’s cruelness and all the odds stacked against him.

* * *

Gemma left a few hours later, when visiting hours were over, and Harry was the only one allowed with Cayden. When the nurse informed her it was time to leave, she pulled her brother into a long hug, pressing three kisses to her still-fast-asleep nephew before promising to be back tomorrow after work. Harry left her go, somehow feeling as if he was a little less alone.

Hours after Gemma left, Cayden was still fast asleep, and Harry soon realized sleep wasn’t going to be easy for him. With a quick look towards his phone, he saw that it was just a little passed two in the morning. Gemma had left a care package from him, because in her words, _god forbid he has to sustain on hospital food for who knows how long._

In desperation to get his mind off of everything, he began to rummage through the bag his sister had left him. Though he wasn’t so sure what happened, how it happened, but suddenly, a series of loud crashes surfaced, food was shrewn everywhere, and his son was awoken, crying loudly.

“Shit,” he hissed out, eyes darting towards Cayden. His face was scrunched in despair, his cries short and loud. “I’m sorry, bud. Please go back to sleep, little man. You’re all right.”

When the cries didn’t stop, a surge of panic traveled through Harry, and he was contemplating getting help when someone cleared their throat, and Harry whirled around to meet the set of blue-green eyes he had been acquainted with earlier. There was something akin to pity in the depth of her eyes, and while the look would usually make Harry feel angry, he suddenly extremely vulnerable. And with each of Cayden’s cry filling the air, Harry was getting closer and closer to crying himself.

“Help me, please,” he pleaded towards the doctor. “I can never get him to stop crying once he starts.” He knew there was a hint of disappointment in his tone.  
  
The pity in her eyes soon vanished, and a professional look soon replaced it. “I’m Dr. Grace. Everything’s going to be all right.”  
  
Harry nodded, taking a step back, but his gaze never left his son.  
  
Cayden’s cries were short and shallow, but they were overpoweringly loud and sad. With each cry, Harry’s heart broke even further. He watched as the doctor walked toward his son, leaving over the edge of the incubator.

“Hey,” she whispered calmly. Cayden’s cries stuttered for a moment. He blinked, then another piercing cry sounded. Dr. Grace reached forward, rubbing her knuckles gently across the back of Cayden’s hand. His cries lessened, and Dr. Grace pressed her touch further into Cayden. “You’re okay, little one. Everything’s okay, yeah?”  
  
Then the cries stopped, and Harry could breathe again. He watched as his son’s eyes went from squinted to fluttering closed, and he knew enough about premature babies to know that Cayden’s eyes couldn’t stay open for an extended amount of time. His heart felt heavy at the thought.  
  
“H-How did you do that?” Harry’s voice came out in a whisper, Dr. Grace’s back still facing him.

Dr. Grace turned around to face him, sympathy emitting from her. He visibly felt the relief wash through him, and his eyes flickered from the doctor to his son.  
  
“The congestion in his lungs startles him from sleep sometimes,” she informed, speaking gently. “He just needs to be comforted, is all.”  
  
Harry nodded, taking a few steps forwards until he and the doctor had switched places, his hand resting on the incubator as his eyes watched the rise and fall of Cayden’s chest. He felt that tell-tale sting of tears in his eyes, and he blinked multiple times in an attempt to relieve it.

He couldn’t cry. Not again.

“Is he—” he paused, clearing his throat after his voice cracked. He wanted to commit the up and down motion of Cayden’s chest to memory. “Is he in pain?”  
  
“He has trouble breathing sometimes, but the breathing tube helps,” she told him, and Harry felt his chest deflate in relief. He hadn’t realized he was holding his breath. “The congestion in his lungs is helped by the suction. It startles him more than anything. There’s a bit of gas pains because he is so colicky, but that’s fairly typical. Overall, he’s doing okay,” Dr. Grace paused, before, “for someone in his situation.”  
  
Harry only nodded. He didn’t dare tear his eyes away from his son. He afraid that if he looked away from his baby, something detrimental would happen.  
  
“This VSD,” Harry said quietly, “how fatal is it for him?”  
  
“We’re doing everything we—”  
  
_No. Not those words._

Harry’s head whipped around to face her, scowling. “That’s not what I asked.” He faltered, squeezed his eyes shut as he bowed his head. “Please, just tell me if my son is going to live or not.”  
  
The doctor sighed, looking defeated. “If we can find a heart match, then he’ll be just fine. If not, he’ll…”  
  
“Die.”  
  
Dr. Grace’s head bowed. “Yeah.”  
  
There was a brief pause before Harry muttered, “Right.”

Harry looked down to Cayden, smiling softly when he saw that he was sleeping again. His mind flashed towards Camille, and he immediately pushed it back. He didn’t need her. Cayden didn’t need her. Cayden had him, and as long as Harry was around, he was going to make damned sure that his son would live a long life.

Even if he had to give Cayden his own heart, he would.

Harry turned to Dr. Grace, eyes wide with something he wasn’t sure he could name, but it felt an awful lot like hope.

“He’ll make it,” he said with such conviction, and he wondered if the doctor believed him. “His name is Cayden, after all. Fighter. He’ll make it.”


	2. when cayden gets a mum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> here’s a drabble inspired by an ask i got earlier today. it’s all in cayden’s pov set during the time thea came back into their lives. hope you enjoy xx

Cayden knew what a mum was. He saw his friends at the park call those ladies mum. He also knew he didn’t have one. He had a daddy, though. And he really liked his daddy. Cayden’s daddy took care of him, and most of the time, Cayden didn’t feel like he needed a mummy.

But then he’d see his friends’ mummies pick them up and kiss them when they got hurt, and Cayden would find himself wishing he had a mummy to do that. Or sometimes their mummies would pull out snacks for them to eat, and Daddy didn’t always remember to bring him snacks. Then they would have to leave the park when Cayden got hungry–which would make Cayden a little grumpy, because he didn’t like leaving his friends so soon.

At night, though, that was when Cayden wished he had a mummy the most. Mostly, he wished he had a mummy for his daddy. He wished he had a mummy to love his daddy. Sometimes, Daddy got sad, and he looked at the picture of a girl Cayden didn’t really remember, and he looked like he was going to cry. And Cayden saw lots of mummies and daddies kissing at the park, and he thought Daddy needed someone to kiss.

Then Cayden also wished he had a mummy for himself. He wished he had a mummy to kiss him when he got hurt. Or cuddle him before he went to bed. Even though Daddy did all of that, and Cayden loved his daddy–sometimes, he just wished he had a mummy.

So, when Cayden saw his daddy looking at that picture of the girl before he went to bed, he asked, “Is that my mummy?”

His daddy’s face seemed sad when he looked up at Cayden. “She’s not, buddy. She’s just an old friend of Daddy’s.”

Cayden nodded, moving to climb onto his dad’s bed. “Could she be my mummy someday?”

“Maybe,” he said after a moment’s pause, and Cayden believed him.

_Maybe._

* * *

When Cayden met the girl in the picture, he thought she was going to make Daddy sad again, and he was scared. He hated when Daddy was sad.

But she was nice Cayden soon found out. Her name was Thea, and she made his daddy smile a lot, so Cayden liked her.

Thea started to help Daddy take care of Cayden, and Cayden liked her a lot. It was almost like he had a mummy, so he told her that.

“I asked Daddy if you were my mummy,” he said one night when she was wiping pasta sauce from his face, “but he said you weren’t. So, I asked him if you could be my mummy, and he said maybe. And I think you’d be a good mummy to me, Thea!”

Thea didn’t say anything, just picked him up for bedtime, but Cayden was sure he saw her smile.

Maybe Thea wanted to be his mummy.

Cayden would like that a lot.

* * *

Daddy and Thea started to kiss a lot.

Frankly, Cayden found it a little gross, but they also smiled after they kissed, so Cayden figured he could put up with it.

Then Thea started to live with them, and Cayden liked that a lot. She sometimes made chocolate chip pancakes in the morning, and she always woke him up with a kiss on the nose. And when he got hurt, she was there to console him. She always brought snacks when she took him to the park, and they never had to leave early to get food.

She did work a lot, and sometimes Cayden would miss her. His daddy told him that she was saving lives, so sometimes, they couldn’t see Thea for a few days. But Cayden hated when she was gone.

So, when Cayden woke up to soft kisses on his nose, he pulled her into a hug and whispered, “I missed you, Mummy.”

Thea got a weird look her face, and Cayden was scared he made her sad. But then she smiled wide and said, “I missed you, too, baby.”

And Cayden knew he had a mummy now.


	3. when cayden becomes suspicious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous asked: "So, it was you?" for Cayden and Harry? I feel like this would be a cute father/son prompt

Cayden lost his first tooth when he was four years old.

He cried when he saw the blood dripping out of his mouth, but after his dad cleaned him up, he was excited, cleaning the tooth until it was sparkling clean for the tooth fairy.

He could barely sleep that night, creeping out of his room three times until Harry said something.

“You know, buddy, the tooth fairy isn’t going to come if you don’t go to sleep.”

Cayden grimaced. He thought he was being sneaky.

“But what if she doesn’t know where to go, Dad?” he whined, frowning. 

His dad stopped doing the dishes, turning to face Cayden in the entryway. Cayden was shuffling his feet, looking rather sheepish. 

Harry put his hands on his hips. “Who says the tooth fairy is a girl?”

Cayden opened his mouth to respond before he closed it. He actually _didn’t know_ if the tooth fairy was a girl. 

“Well,” he said, thinking about it, “what if she _or_ hedoesn’t know where to go?”

His dad smiled. It was the kind of smile that crinkled the corner of his eyes. It calmed Cayden a little. 

Harry just shook his head, chuckling. He picked Cayden up and placed him on his hip. Then he tucked him in once more, kissed him on his cheek, and told him he loved him.

“The tooth fairy will find you, buddy,” he promised as he turned off the lights. “Go to sleep.”

When Cayden woke up the next morning, he found five pounds underneath his pillow, and he ran out of his room. 

“Daddy! Daddy! The tooth fairy came!” He ran into his dad’s room and jumped on his bed. 

Harry jolted away, blinking away his blurry vision. “What’d you get, buddy?” he asked groggily, smiling despite his tiredness. 

“Five pounds!” Cayden exclaimed. “I’m rich!”

* * *

Cayden was seven when he thought the tooth fairy was a little suspicious.

He had lost a lot of teeth since his first one, and never once has he seen the tooth fairy. No wings. No fairy dust. Nothing. 

So, when Cayden lost yet another tooth, he decided he was going to stay up and see if he could catch a glimpse of the elusive tooth fairy. 

It was nearing one in the morning when his bedroom door opened, and he saw a figure tip-toe its way into the room, and when Cayden recognized him, his eyes widened. 

He quickly kicked his covers off his body, jumping to stand on his bed. 

He pointed his finger at the intruder. “So, it was you!” 

Harry froze where he stood, five pounds falling to the floor.

“Cayden! You’re supposed to be asleep!”


	4. when thea comes home from uni

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is set when thea’s 19 and will is 12.

Thea began unpacking her suitcase, filling her childhood dresser with her clothes. It was odd being home but in a good way. Because now, she would be with Will for two months, and she couldn’t think of a better way to spend her summer than with her little brother. Her best friend. 

She was just finishing up unpacking when Will walked into her room. He shut the door on his way in, plopping on top of her bed and sending a folded pile of clothes flying. 

He laughed when they landed on the floor. 

“William!” she reprimanded, but there was a giggle lacing her voice that contradicted her tone. 

Will shrugged. “They weren’t folded right anyway.”

Thea scowled, scooping up the unfolded pile and shoving them in a drawer. Will sent her a look that said, _see? told you._

“So, how’s uni?” he asked a moment later, swinging his legs. 

Thea shrugged. “It’s okay. Hard. But I like it.”

“That’s good.”

She stood up, walking towards Will and plopping down beside him. Will looked at her, grinning. 

“How’s Steve?” he asked, smirking.

Thea rolled her eyes, groaning. “Long gone. Wasn’t worth the time of day.”

“Good,” Will snorted, “he was super ugly.”

Thea narrowed her eyes at him, but Will was quick to continue.

“Hopefully he was good in bed, is all I’m saying.”

“William!” she shrieked, shoving him. “Don’t be an ass!”

Will tumbled off the bed, laughing as he went. He clutched his stomach, wrapping his arms around his middle. 

Once he’d finally calmed down, obnoxiously wiping away his faux tears, he sat criss-cross on her floor. He picked at the carpet by his legs, watching his fingers work. When he finally looked at her, his eyes were vaguely sad, almost nostalgic. 

“I miss you,” he murmured, eyes casting down. “It’s not the same here without you.”

Thea sighed, throat vaguely tight. “How are Mum and Dad?”

When Will looked up at her, she knew he understood she meant how they were _with_ him. She wasn’t asking about their wellbeing. 

“Fine, I guess.” He shrugged. “They’re basically never home, so I’m always here by myself.”

Thea nodded, not expecting anything else. “Have, um, have you told them?”

Will was quick to shake his head. “No.”

“Okay.” Thea nodded once. “There’s no rush, you know. Tell them whenever you’re ready.”

Will nodded, looking down to the floor. “There’s a boy in my class. He’s, uh, really cute.”

“Yeah?” Thea smiled widely. “What’s his name?”

“Zander, I think.” He shrugged non-commitedly. “We’re not really friends. He sits at my table during maths.”

Thea nodded. “Zander. I like that name.”

Will beamed at her approval. “Yeah, and he’s a lot cuter than Steve. Better name too.” He stuck his tongue out in a grimace. 

Thea rolled her eyes, chuckling. “Don’t be an ass.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous said: "Honestly, just stop it." For the prompt thing
> 
> i really enjoyed diving into thea’s past a bit, so i’ll make this centered around her and her parents.

All those years of school work and late night cram sessions, it was over. Medical school was over. She was officially Doctor Althea Grace. 

But for some reason, she felt odd. Unfulfilled. She started her internship tomorrow, and she knew she should be overjoyed. But as she looked around the auditorium, she wanted to cry when she saw Will was nowhere to be found.

She missed him.

She missed him more than she thought possible. 

And here she stood with her parents, not speaking a single word to her, and there was a room full of people. But she had never felt more alone. 

“Our Althea here is going to be the best neurosurgeon there,” she heard her brother say. Thea rolled her eyes. “After her father and I, of course.”

Thea almost scoffed aloud. 

“Actually,” she spoke up for the first time. She held her diploma to her chest. “I’m going into pediatrics. Thought I told you that.”

Both her parents whipped around, eyes wide. 

“Excuse me?” her mother all but shrieked. 

Thea just shrugged, as if to say, _you heard me._

The group of people around them suddenly vanished, and Thea felt like she could breathe again. 

“You’re joking, right?” her father asked slowly. 

Thea shook her head casually. “I’m not, no. Start my internship tomorrow with Dr. June Avery. Resident at LGH.”

“We know who she is,” Maria hissed. 

“Seriously, Thea,” her father sounded disappointed. Thea couldn’t bring herself to care. “After everything we’ve done for you as your parents–”

“Honestly, just stop it,” Thea hissed, having enough. “You have no right to call yourselves that. Not anymore.”

Both her parents looked taken aback, but they didn’t say a word. 

“I haven’t seen my brother in a year because of you two,” she continued, voice hard. “A fucking _year._ Do you understand that?”

No response. Somehow the silence fueled Thea’s anger. 

“You took a moment that was supposed to be filled with love, and you crushed him. Destroyed him, and now he won’t speak to any of us.”

Maria’s expression hardened. “There’s no reason to bring your brother into this.”

“You mean your son?” Thea bit rhetorically. 

Her father grimaced. 

Thea shook her head. “You know, attempting to erase the fact that you have a son doesn’t erase the fact that you shunned him after he came out to you.”

They didn’t say a single word. Thea scoffed at their silence, shoving her way passed them. She turned to look at them one last time with a look of what she knew was complete and utter disgust. 

“So no, you’re not my parents,” she told them. “You stopped being my parents the moment you stopped being his.”

And with that, she walked away.


	6. when they're on the medical tour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous said: Please make it angsty: "can you shut up?!"  
> i think i’ll do this one during the medical tour. between thea and liam. enjoy!

Thea didn’t know what to do. 

Her patient was quickly bleeding out on her table, and suction wasn’t helping matters at all. She couldn’t focus. There were too many voices bubbling in her ear. The heart monitor was screaming. Everything was dropping, and she couldn’t lose another patient. 

She had to do something. 

Liam was standing across from her, the same look of panic on his face. He was trying to work around the blood, but Thea knew he couldn’t see much. 

Three nurses were talking at the same time. Thea’s head was going to explode. There was too much noise. She couldn’t focus. Too much talking. And before she knew it, her head was turned sharply towards them and–

“Can you just shut up?!”

She had never heard her own voice sound like that. It was harsh and very much unlike her. The three nurses hushed immediately, sheepishly staying out of her way. Thea looked up to see Liam’s wide eyes on her, but she ignored it. 

“We need to find the source of the bleeding,” she spoke calmly. “This patient is not bleeding out on us. I refuse for that to happen.”

Liam nodded, examining the cavity closer. “Here,” he said, pointing after a moment’s pause. 

Thea turned to one of the nurses. “Nurse, go suction that area. Make sure there’s no blood, and Dr. Payne can see clearly.”

The nurse nodded, scurrying away to do her job.

Then time seemed to blur together, and Thea could hear nothing but silence. 

When the surgery was over, Thea left the room to inform the patient’s parents that their daughter would make a full recovery.


	7. when harry loses cayden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this will be non-canon, so it doesn’t actually correlate with the story line. i’m just gonna apologize in advance…
> 
> trigger warning: involves death. don’t read if not comfortable

Harry stood over the incubator. His son’s chest rose and fell slowly. Heartbreakingly slow. The sound of the heart monitor ticked slowly, and Harry couldn’t help but associate the sound of his heart with the seconds he had left. 

The seconds his son had to live. 

Thea stood by his stand, clutching onto his hand tightly. There wasn’t anything more her and the other doctors could do. Cayden was only a single week old, and he was dying. He’d fought a losing battle, and now Harry was losing him. 

Tears dripped steadily down his cheeks, and Harry did nothing to wipe them away. He wanted them there. He wanted the world to know what it was doing to him. Taking away his child. He wanted his pain to be visible, because there was just so much of it. It just _hurt._

 _“_ Please,” he whimpered, choking back a sob. He felt Thea squeeze his hand, a sob of her own resonating from her throat. “Please, Cayden. Please don’t do this. Don’t leave me.”

Thea turned her head, choking on another cry. 

“I love you, buddy,” he whispered, voice breaking with tears. He used his free hand to gently stroke the pad of his thumb across Cayden’s skin. The last time he’d touch his baby boy. “Daddy loves you so much, okay? I will always love you.”

The heart monitor screamed, and panic rose in Harry’s chest. He let go of Thea’s hand, stepping closer to the incubator. 

“Please, Cayden, don’t do this,” he cried out, heart completely shattering in his chest. “Please don’t leave me. Stay with me. Please.”

The screaming stopped. The heart monitor flat-lining, and Cayden took his last breath. 

“No,” Harry whispered, shaking his head, “no. No, no, _no.”_

“Harry.” Thea spoke softy. Her voice was choked as she stepped forward, placing her hand on his shoulders. 

Harry began to sob. He held onto Cayden’s hand, leaning down to press his lips to the skin there. He cried and cried until he had no more tears left to give. And when his throat hurt too much to cry anymore, the tears remained, and it was then he turned to Thea. 

“Go ahead.”

Thea closed her eyes. A few stray tears falling as she muttered, “Time of death: five-oh-three.”

Harry broke, collapsing into Thea’s arms as they both cried over Cayden. 

_Please come back to me, buddy._

* * *

Thea knocked on his door with a heavy heart. She had an armful of food that could feed an army, but she figured sustenance were needed. Especially now. 

A minute or two passed, and there was no answer. Thea knocked again. The same thing happened. So, she reached out, hand wrapping around the door knob, and she twisted. It opened immediately. 

“Harry?” she called into the seemingly empty flat. There was no answer, so Thea let herself in. 

Harry was nowhere to be seen, but his flat looked lived in, leading Thea to believe he was home. Her eyes landed on a small bassinet that Cayden didn’t even get a chance to sleep in, and her heart broke for what felt like the twentieth time this week. With a deep breath, she continued on. 

She deposited the armful of groceries into the kitchen on the way to his bedroom. Hesitating at the door, she lifted her hand, knocking gently against the wood. 

“Harry?”

There was no response. 

“Harry?” she tried again, slowly opening the door. “You in here?”

He was. 

Harry’s from was sprawled out against the bed, face buried into the pillow as silent tears fell down his cheek. Thea felt tears prick at her eyes, and she had to try extra hard to swallow the lump in her throat. He didn’t acknowledge her presence, but she knew _he_ _knew_ she was there. 

Slowly, Thea made her way to him, stopping at the foot of the bed. “I brought food,” she whispered gently. 

“’M not hungry,” he mumbled. 

“Harry-”

“I just buried my week old son, Thea,” he spoke abruptly, effectively cutting her off, “so forgive me for not feeling the need to eat.”

More tears welled up in Thea’s eyes. 

Gently, she lowered herself onto the bed, sitting near Harry’s head. She reached her hand out, wanting to comb through his hair, wanting anyway to comfort him, but she quickly retracted her hand, thinking better.

“I’m so sorry, Harry,” she whispered, voice catching as the tears on her cheek mirrored Harry’s. 

He closed his eyes, bottom lip trembling. He buried his face further into the pillow, attempting to reign in his emotions. Then Cayden’s face popped into his head, and a sob broke through his chest, leaving his mouth in a whimper. 

“I miss him so much.”

Thea nodded, choking on a sob of her own. “I know. I do too.”

With a silent cry, Harry opened his arms for her, and Thea fell into them willingly. She rested her head against his chest, listening to the heartbreaking thump of his heart beneath her ear. It was soothing to hear, but it hurt all at the same time. 

“I wish I could hate you,” Harry sobbed, holding Thea close to him. “I wish I could hate you for not saving my son.”

Thea squeezed her eyes shut, her tears staining the fabric of Harry’s old tee. Their laments were almost tangible as their bodies rocked with sorrow. Her hand clutched as his shirt, holding onto him, willing his pain away. She wished she could absorb, carrying all of it on her shoulders. She wanted to feel it all for him, but she couldn’t. 

“I know.” Her voice broke as she spoke. “I do too.”


	8. when thea finds out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anonymous said: omg yay bc whp is still fresh on my mind and i just love their relationship can you write a blurb about thea and harry finding out that she's pregnant thanks!

Thea was alone with Cayden when the morning sickness hit. Only she didn’t know it was morning sickness at the time. A four year old Cayden trailed closely behind her as she ran to the bathroom.

“Mama?” he mumbled softly as she was flushing the toilet. “Are you okay?”

Thea looked over at Cayden weakly, smiling. “I’m alright, baby. Mama’s tummy just doesn’t feel right.”

Cayden thought for a moment. “Maybe you had too much sugar? Dad always says too much sugar makes tummies hurt.”

“You know what, I think you might be onto something,” she said as she stood up.

Cayden stayed in the bathroom with her as she brushed her teeth. He sat on the toilet lid, kicking his feet as he told her all about his day at school. Thea was only half-listening. She was too busy trying to count the days since her last period.

* * *

Two weeks later, Thea stood in the same bathroom. Only this time, Cayden was fast asleep in his bed, and she was holding a pregnancy test in her hand. Her eyes were squeezed shut as she stood in front of the mirror. She knew that if she opened them her questions would be answered. She knew that the test in her hand would tell her everything she needed to know. But she was so terrified that the answer wasn’t going to be the one she’d been dreaming about for two weeks, so she couldn’t bear to open her eyes.

Not yet.

Before she could build up the courage to look, there was a knock on the bathroom door. Thea tried to conceal the pregnancy test, but before she could, Harry was walking in.

“Thea? I woke up, and you were—” he promptly stopped, eyes widening at the sight of the test in Thea’s hands. She had the results pressed against her stomach so neither of them could see.

“Harry, I—” she tried, but Harry was quick to interrupt.

“What’s it say?” he asked, almost nervously. His eyes flicked between her face and the test three times.

Thea shrugged. “‘M not sure. I haven’t looked yet.”

“Can I?” He held out his hand. “Please?”

Thea stared at his hand for a moment or two before nodding, placing the test in his open palm, face down. Harry smiled at her softly. He took two deep breaths before gripping the test with both hands and flipping it over.

Instantly, his eyes filled with tears. “Oh my god, baby.”

“What?” Thea asked urgently. “What’s it say?”

He handed her the test, eyes beaming with tears falling. Thea didn’t have to look to know it said positive, but she looked anyway. In blue bold stood the word PREGNANT, and Thea let out a sob of relief. She fell into Harry’s arms, kissing whatever skin she could reach.

“We’re pregnant,” she whispered in awe. “We made a baby.”

Harry’s hands found her stomach, gently stroking. “A little sibling for Cayden,” he whispered, kissing her.

“For our sake, I hope it’s a boy, or we’ll never hear the end of it.”

The responding laugh from Harry made her stomach flip, and she smiled against his neck.

 _Pregnant_.

* * *

The next day, they sat Cayden down to tell him. Harry and Thea sat on the coffee table in front on him as he sat on the couch. His eyes were wide as he looked between his parents in question.

“Am I in trouble?” He asked, though before anyone could respond, he kept going, speaking in a rush. “Because I promise I thought he knew the Easter Bunny wasn’t real. I mean, come on. A giant bunny that lays eggs? That makes no sense.”

“No, baby, you’re not—” Thea stopped, registering his words. “Wait, who did you tell the Easter Bunny wasn’t real?”

Cayden looked sheepish. “Aiden from next door. He’s seven and still thinks they’re real. And he was making fun of my missing tooth, so I told him.”

Thea looked to Harry, who was conceal his laugh in his shoulder. She rolled her eyes before sighing.

“Cayden, baby, you can’t tell other kids that.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s their mum and dad’s job,” she explained, and Cayden has the decency to look guilty. “And it makes them sad.”

“Okay,” he mumbled, “I’ll say sorry tomorrow at school.”

“And you’ll also apologize to his parents as well,” Harry chimed in, looking to have recovered from his amusement.

“Yes, sir.”

“Thank you, baby,” Thea pressed a kiss to Cayden’s cheek. “But Daddy and I do have something exciting to tell you.”

Cayden’s eyes brightened. “Am I getting puppy?”

“No,” Harry answered.

“I’m going to be in Uncle Liam and Aunt Mason’s wedding?”

“I’m not sure, b—” Thea tried.

“Oh!” Cayden exclaimed. “We’re going to Disneyland!”

“No, buddy,” Harry said as he laughed, “just listen to Mama and me, okay?”

Cayden nodded excitedly, leaning forward on the couch. “What is it?”

Harry scooted closer to Thea, putting his hand on her stomach. Thea’s covered his.

“Cayden,” she smiled softly, “you’re going to be a big brother. There’s a baby in my tummy.”

Cayden eyes grew even wider as he stared at Thea’s stomach. He looked up at Thea then to her stomach then to Harry before looking back to her stomach.

“There’s a baby in there?” He asked softly.

Thea nodded.

There was a moment of silence before Cayden squealed, jumping up and into his parents’ arms. Both Thea and Harry caught him, laughing.

“Oh my goodness!” He cried happily. “I’m going to be the bestest big brother ever!”

“We know, buddy,” Harry agreed, pressing a kiss to his forehead then his temple. “We know.”

Thea closed her stinging eyes, swallowing down the lump in her throat. She buried her face into her son’s neck, breathing him in. Harry was doing the same on Cayden’s other side, and Cayden sighed happily, squeezing both of his parents.

The embrace lasted for three more seconds before Cayden pulled back with a gasp.

“Is it a boy?!”


	9. when cayden feels sad

Cayden felt sad.

School was always something he looked forward to. He loved learning, and he loved reading. His teacher was also very nice, and he liked her a lot. But he left school today, feeling sad. His mama usually picked him up on Wednesdays and Thursdays because she was done with her rotation early, but when he saw his dad in the car, his heart sunk even further.

Cayden loved his dad. He did. But there were some things you just needed your mum for.

“Hey, buddy,” Dad smiled, but it looked forced to Cayden.

Cayden climbed into the car, silent before he asked, “Where’s Mama?”

“She had to stay late at the hospital, baby,” Dad said with a sigh. There was a look in his eyes that Cayden couldn’t decipher. “She’ll be home later.”

Cayden nodded once. “Okay.”

They didn’t talk for the rest of the drive home.

* * *

Cayden thought he could handle it. They were just mean kids, and Cayden knew what they were saying wasn’t true. But sometimes, what they said got to him. He tried to ignore it because he knew that’s what his parents would tell him to do.

But sometimes the words stuck in his head, and these were one of those days when it kept replaying over and over again.

Cayden watched as his dad made dinner, working on his sight words but getting frustrated because they all were too easy.

“Are you okay, bud?” Dad asked, and Cayden looked up.

Cayden sighed. “My homework is too easy, Dad. It’s annoying.”

His dad laughed quietly. “You truly are your mother’s child, Cayden Styles.”

Dad went back to dinner, but Cayden couldn’t help but feel a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach.

_Was he?_

_By_ the time dinner was over, Mama still wasn’t home, and that feeling in Cayden’s stomach grew bigger. It was drawing close to bedtime, so Cayden was brushing his teeth when he heard his dad’s voice float through the flat.

“I know, baby,” he sounded exhausted, “but he’s been asking for you all night.”

There was a pause then an angry huff.

“Thea, I know, but he wants his mum. What am I supposed to tell him?”

Another pause. Cayden quickly rinsed his mouth then turned off the sink, straining to listen.

“Will you at least promise to be home before bedtime? This is your short day after all. I would like him to see his mum at least once this week.”

Cayden heard a small noise, almost a noise of pity. He flinched, knowing his mum was upset.

“Baby, don’t cry,” his dad whispered. “No, he’s fine. I’m sorry. I’m stressed and taking it out on you.”

Dad shushed her quietly. It was the same noise he made when Cayden was crying, and he wanted to calm him down.

“It’s okay. He’s fine. Just come home, okay?”

There was a small laugh.

“I love you too. So much. I’ll see you soon.”

Then there was silence, and Cayden felt like he was going to cry. He put his toothbrush back in the holder and walked to his bedroom. He laid in his bed, tucking his hands underneath the pillow.

He heard his dad call his name, but he didn’t say anything.

“There you are,” his dad said softly, walking into his room. “Why are you in bed already?”

“’M tired,” he mumbled.

“Okay,” his dad hesitated. “I’ll send Mama in when she gets home.”

Cayden didn’t say anything, simply shrugging his shoulders.

* * *

It was close to midnight. At least that’s what it felt like to him. He heard his mama step into his room, and suddenly any sense of sleep escaped him. He was wide awake.

“Is it midnight?” he mumbled into his pillow.

“No, baby,” Mama whispered, bending down on her knees to become eye-level. “It’s a little after ten.”

“Mmm,” he whispered, closing his eyes again.

“I just wanted to say goodnight.”

He sighed happily when he felt his mama run her fingers through his hair. It felt nice. It was good to have her home. He really loved his mama.

“How was your day at school?” she asked.

Cayden opened his eyes, and his stomach dropped a little. School.

_She’s not your real mum._

_She probably doesn’t even love you._

_“M_ ama?” he asked quietly.

Mama furrowed her brows together at him avoiding her question. “Yes?”  
Cayden’s eyes filled with tears suddenly, and he tried desperately to blink them away.

“Cayden, baby, what’s wrong?” she asked urgently, wiping his tears away.

“I just- I….” he trailed off before, “Mama, don’t you love me?” he asked in a stuttered cry.

His mama’s eyes immediately widened, lips dropping in a frown. “Baby, of course I do. Why would you ask me that?”

Cayden sat up, throwing himself into his mama’s arms, beginning to cry earnestly.

He’d been so convinced that his mama didn’t love him. He knew she wasn’t his biological mother. They hadn’t kept it from him. It was never a secret, but it never occurred to him that because he wasn’t her biological son meant that he wasn’t guaranteed her love.

Until those kids at school said so.

When Cayden was finally calm enough to speak, he took a deep breath, pulling away from his mama.

“Some kids at school said that because I’m not your real son, you don’t love me,” he whispered quietly, eyes finding his lap.

Mama pulled his head up, forcing him to look in her eyes. She had the fierce look there that Cayden loved. Generally, that look was synonymous with love. His mama loved fiercely, and right now, with that look, he was sure that she loved him with everything she was.

“No matter who gave birth to you, you’re my real son,” she told him, voice strong and unwavering. “You’re my everything, actually. You and your dad. Do not let anyone tell you otherwise, Cayden Styles. Do you understand me?”

Cayden smiled softly, leaning on her shoulder. “I understand, Mama.”

“I love you so much, baby,” Mama whispered as she kissed his temple. “So, so much.”

Cayden’s smile widened. “I love you too, Mama.”

_She loves me._


	10. when willow is born

It was after Willow was born. Before anyone was allowed to visit, where it was just Harry, Thea, and their newborn daughter. 

Willow was sleeping in Thea’s arms, and Harry was leaning over the hospital bed, looking over his girls. 

Thea looked up at him, smiling softly. “I’m happy,” she whispered. 

“Yeah?” Harry mirrored her smile, kissing the top of her head. “I am too. I can’t wait for Cayden to meet her. He’s going to love her.”

Thea nodded, looking back down to her baby. Cayden _was_ going to love her. He was going to be the best big brother ever. Cayden had his dad’s heart, and he loved his family so fiercely and strongly. He loved with his whole little body, and Thea knew that wasn’t going to be any different with this sweet baby.

“Thank you,” she said softly, looking up at Harry.

Harry’s brows rose on his forehead, a smile tugging. “What for?”

She looked down to Willow. “For her. For Cayden. For you.”

Harry wrapped his arm around Thea’s shoulder to pull her closer to him. He kissed her temple twice before pushing his nose into her hair. 

“You don’t have to thank me for that, baby,” he murmured. 

Thea leaned her head against his chest. Willow shuffled in her sleep, and Thea felt her heart squeeze a little at the sight.

“I never really had a good example of love with my parents growing up,” Thea told him. “And I never knew it could be like this. Ever.”

“Me too,” he said with his lips pressed to her head.

Thea turned her head, asking for a kiss, and Harry happily obliged. As they pulled apart, Thea rested her forehead against his, eyes remaining close. 

“You’ve shown me what love can feel like,” she said quietly. 

Then Willow moved again in her sleep, and both Harry and Thea pulled back to look at her. She snuffled a little, rubbing the back of her hand against her nose before settling. Thea leaned down, pressing her lips to her daughter’s forehead. 

“It feels amazing, Harry,” she whispered with her lips still against Willow’s skin. 

“I know, baby,” he kissed her temple again. “I know.”


	11. when thea always has to work

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is set way into the future–willow is five years old and cayden is 10 years old. i hope you enjoy xx

Thea looked at her watch for the third time, sighing. She knew she was late, and she also knew she wasn’t getting out of here anytime soon. Her pager buzzed against her hip. The word trauma was displayed in bold. She sighed, running towards the trauma center without looking back.

Thea loved her job. She did. She loved saving lives, and she loved helping others. It was always a beautiful day to save lives, and she never regretted a single moment of it. Especially since she’s become Chief of Pediatrics Surgery. Six months ago, Dr. Avery was promoted to Chief of Surgery, and Thea was graciously accepted the promotion of Avery’s old job.

With that, she knew more work would come. She knew there would be more expected of her. But her children were never getting any younger, and she couldn’t help the guilt welling up inside of her whenever she didn’t make it home when she said she would.

The fights with Harry always seemed endless with no linear solution.

“You were supposed to be home six hours ago, Thea.”

“You missed Cayden’s parent/teacher conference.”

“Willow asked about you all night.”

Thea would always tell him he didn’t understand. She was trying to run an entire surgical department. She was trying to save lives while also manage other doctors and nurses. And she was balancing all of that while being a mother and a wife, and it was the hardest thing she’s ever done.

“What do we have?” she asked as she made it to the trauma center.

The EMT looked up, nodding at her. “We’ve got a car accident. Young girl, age seven with a partially collapsed lung, internal bleeding, and several broken bones, including both hips and three ribs.”

“Prep OR three stat,” Thea told a nurse, watching her scurry off. She turned back to the EMT. “Parents or guardians in the car?”

He nodded his head. “Already being prepped for surgery in OR two.”

“Any causalities?”

“The other driver died on impact.”

“Okay,” Thea nodded. “Let’s get her to an OR.”

With that, Thea began to hustle through the hospital, intent on saving this young girl’s life. As she was going, she couldn’t help but feel a growing twinge of guilt in the pit of her stomach.

It was almost two in the morning by the time she made it home. She was in surgery for three hours, and she almost lost her patient twice. Luckily, Thea was able to fix the partially collapse lung while also stopping the internal bleeding, though Thea had to place her patient in a medically-induced coma in order to allot time to heal the remaining injuries and trauma. Trauma at this magnitude was a lot for a such a young body to take.

From what she could tell, the mother was already in recovery in general surgery.

Thea was thinking about all of this, already trying to work out a time frame for her patient when she walked into the house. The light was on, and she knew that meant Harry was waiting up for her.

She sighed, toying off her shoes, exhaustion eating at her bones. But she knew there was a fight in the midst. She could feel it.

Harry was sitting on the couch, watching reruns of I Love Lucy with an empty mug sitting on the coffee table in front of him. The volume was so low Thea could barely hear, but she knew it was in benefit of their sleeping children.

“Willow threw a tantrum before bed because she wanted you to put her down,” Harry said, turning off the TV without looking at her. “Cayden almost cried at dinner because he wanted to tell you the grade he got on his spelling test, but you wouldn’t answer your phone. He got a 100 percent by the way. And I had to have a marvelous conversation with your brother, asking where you’ve been for the last six months.”

Thea put on bag on the couch, sighing heavily. “I can’t keep having this fight with you, Harry.”

Harry’s head whipped around to look at her. Thea didn’t like the look in his eyes. “Oh yeah? And you think I enjoy this? Do you think I like raising our children by myself?”

“Raising them by yourself? I– I’m doing the best I can,” Thea bit. “You knew it was going to be hard for a few months. We talked about this before I even took the chief position.”

“You told me it was going to be a few months,” Harry said sternly as he stood up. “It’s been six months, Althea. Six months.”

Thea flinched at the use of her real name. She was exhausted to the point of no return, and she felt tears pricking at her eyes. She looked away from Harry, taking a deep breath.

“I don’t know what to say anymore,” she said quietly; sadly. “I can’t go to work because then I’m a bad mother. I can’t stay home with my kids because then I’m a bad doctor. It seems like no matter what I do, I lose.”

“Thea, I—”

“No,” she cut him off. “Tell me. Please tell me what you’d like me to do because I’m trying, Harry. I’m trying so hard, but I can’t just walk away from my patients. I nearly had seven-year-old girl bleed out on my table. That’s two years older than Willow. What kind of mother would I be if I didn’t save someone’s child?”

Harry looked at her for a beat or two, silent with narrowed eyes. “So, you’re going to walk away from your children instead?”

Thea felt cold dread pass through her. Her heart dropped, and she suddenly couldn’t see through the tears welling up in her eyes. Regret filled Harry’s eyes, but Thea was too hurt to care. She couldn’t even respond, so she simply walked away, towards her children’s bedroom.

Cayden was fast asleep, snoring a little into his pillow, and Thea smiled at the sight. She gently leaned down to press a kiss on his temple, smoothing out the stray hairs there. At ten-years-old, he still fell asleep to a sound machine, and Thea looked at the machine, smiling because it was still the same one from when he was an infant. When Thea was trying just about everything she could to save his life.

So much had changed but also so little at the same time.

Thea pressed one more kiss to his temple before quietly walking out, making her way to Willow’s room.

Much like her brother, Willow was snoring. Though unlike her brother, she needed complete silence to fall asleep. She did need a small night light to help her feel safe. Thea actually gave her an old night light of her own when Willow turned three. For the last two years, Willow has not gone to bed without it.

When Thea went to kiss Willow, she stirred, blinking awake.

“Mummy?” she whispered roughly.

“Hey, baby,” Thea whispered, stroking her hair. “Go back to sleep. Mummy just wanted to kiss you goodnight.”

Willow nodded into the pillow. “Stay with me?”

Thea didn’t contemplate, simply toying off her shoes and climbing into bed. “Of course, baby. I’ll always stay with you.”

“G’night, Mummy,” Willow whispered, already half-asleep.

“Goodnight, sweet girl,” she kissed her forehead. “I love you.”

Thea didn’t get a response, so she closed her eyes, falling asleep.

When Thea woke up the next morning, she was squished between two tiny bodies, both snoring quietly. Thea looked over to see Cayden sleeping on her pillow, his hand clutching her sweatshirt. Willow was laying on the other side, face nuzzling into Thea’s neck. She couldn’t help but smile at the sight of her two children, sleeping so peacefully. Looking over at Willow’s alarm clock, she saw it just a little over nine. It was Saturday morning, and Thea was on call today.

She was contemplating getting a few more minutes of sleep when Harry walked into the room. His eyes landed on Thea before moving to both his children, softening as they returned to Thea. He smiled softly before walking out without a word.

Thea sighed, slowly extricating herself from Willow and Cayden. She figured talking now would be ideal. Better get it out of the way before the kids woke up.

Harry was in the kitchen, starting a pot of coffee while the kettle was on. He looked up at her as she walked in.

“Coffee’s brewing,” he said softly. “Should be ready soon.”

Thea nodded. “Thanks.”

The kettle began to whistle, so Harry turned around to tend to it.

“Sorry about waking you up,” he said as he poured the steamed water into a mug. “I went to check on the kids and saw Cayden wasn’t in his bed, so I wanted to make sure.”

Thea nodded. “It’s fine. I was already awake anyway.”

Harry bobbed his head awkwardly, dunking the tea bag into his mug. He sighed heavily before turning around, leaning against the counter.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he said quietly, eyes trained on his tea. “I didn’t mean what I said. I was just frustrated. It was a rough day.”

Thea just nodded her head.

“You’re an amazing mum, Thea,” Harry finally looked up at her. “I knew that the second you met Cayden. Even then, you were a mother without a child.”

“Harry, I—”

“Hold on, just let me say this,” he requested softly. Thea nodded, sitting down at the table. “You’re also an amazing doctor. I knew that the first time you helped me with Cayden. When I couldn’t console him to save my life.”

Thea nodded her head, remembering that day like it was yesterday. She had the overnight shift, and Cayden was just days old. His condition caused discomfort in his chest, and Thea calmed him down during a rather painful moment.

“And I know it’s hard for you to take a step back,” he continued, “but I need you here, baby. I need you with me because I’m not the parent you are. I can’t do this all alone.”

Thea sighed, standing up and crossing the room to Harry.

“I can’t walk away from my job, Harry,” she said gently. “There are too many children that need me in ways that our kids don’t. Our children are healthy. There are millions of kids that aren’t, and if I can help a fraction of them, I’m going to do it.”

Harry nodded his head, looking understanding.

Thea continued, cradling Harry’s face in her hands. “But I can limit my hours to normal work hours. We’ve got the staff. I’ve just always had trouble saying no, and I need to place more faith in my staff.”

Harry kissed her forehead then Thea pulled him into a hug.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel all alone,” she whispered into his ear. “I really am trying my best to do it all.”

“I know,” Harry spoke quietly. “And I know you’re such an amazing person, but I would like to see you more when the sun is up.”

“I know, I know, I’ll do better.”

Harry pulled back, locking eyes with her. “I also want to make it clear that I’m not asking you to choose between your job and us, okay? You’re so capable of doing both, I know that.”

She laid her head down on his shoulder. “I know that. I know you’d never do that.”

“Good, because so many women are just classified as mothers and are judged for taking pride in their careers, and I don’t want to—”

“Harry,” Thea pulled back, smiling. “I know, baby, okay? I know.”

Harry pulled her close again. “I’m sorry again for last night. And every other night before that.”

“Me too.”

“I miss sleeping with you in our bed,” he admitted softly.

“Me too.”

“Promise no more going to bed angry?” he requested.

Thea nodded against his shoulder. “I promise.”

He pulled her even closer. “I love you so much, baby.”

“I love you too.”

And then they simply spent the next ten minutes embracing one another, enjoying the warmth and comfort they felt from each other. Though that only lasted so long before they heard the pitter patter of footsteps and the tell-tale noise of their children.

“Mum! Dad!”

“Mummy, can we have pancakes?!”

Thea smiled, pulling away from Harry to watch her kids run into the kitchen, babbling away about everything and nothing. She couldn’t help but think how lucky she was. As a doctor and a mother.


	12. when willow is changed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: this entire drabble is centered around the death of a character. no one major, but it does affect a major character, so if that’s not your cup of tear, please, please don’t read! i promise something lighter will be coming soon!
> 
> also the song mentioned in this fic is a woman’s work cover by george laswell.

It was the moment that changed Willow’s entire life.

Looking back, she also thought it was crazy that one moment was something that redefined her entire life. She changed, too. Nothing was ever going to be the same again, and she knew that the second she heard the news. 

It was a rainy Friday, but she was now on Christmas holiday, so the weather didn’t make a difference to her. She had just gotten home from school. Her phone died hours ago, so she made a beeline for an outlet as soon as she walked in the door. 

Her parents were both sitting in the living room, quiet. They looked as if they were waiting for her because as soon as she walked in, they looked up expectantly. 

Immediately, Willow knew there was something off. 

“Mum? Dad?” She furrowed her brows. Her phone forgotten in her hand. “What’s going on?”

Her mum sighed. “We tried calling you, baby.”

She held up her phone, showing the blank screen. “It died. Why, what’s wrong?”

“Sit down, love,” her dad said, gesturing towards the chair across from them. 

Willow did so wearingly when a thought occurred to her. Her heart dropped immediately. “Is Cayden okay?”

Cayden had been at university in the States for almost three years. He loved it, but Willow missed him every day. And she was so scared that him being away would mean that he wouldn’t stay up to date with his medication. That something would happen, and they couldn’t get to him in time. 

She felt like she was going to pass out when her mum shook her head gently. “Cayden’s fine. He’ll be home for hols tomorrow, okay?”

Relief flushed through Willow, and she sagged with it. “Okay, good.”

“But there is something wrong.” Her dad said gently. “It just isn’t Cayden.”

“Who, then?”

“It’s Jess,” Thea said solemnly. A rush of cold surged through Willow. 

“What about him?”

Her parents looked at one another for a moment, sadly. Their next words seemed surreal. To this day, Willow can remember them so clearly as if she was living through the moment all over again.

_His mum called us._

_There’s been an accident._

_He lost control of the car._

_He didn’t make it, honey._

_We’re so sorry._

And all she could think, she didn’t even get to say goodbye.

* * *

_Ten Years Ago_

Willow sat in the grass during recess, picking at the blades before letting them go. They blew in the wind, and Willow wished them safe travels.

“What are you doing?” A voice asked. 

Willow looked up to see fair boy with grey eyes. Willow thought grey eyes were a strange color, but she knew that wouldn’t be nice to say. 

Instead, she said: “Making the grass fly.”

The boy sat down next to her. His hair was so blond it was almost white. Willow thought that was strange too. 

“Grass doesn’t fly,” he told her, matter-of-factly. 

Willow shook her head. “It does when there’s wind.”

Just as she said that, the wind picked up, so she released the handful of grass she had, watching as it flew across the playground. 

She looked over at the boy, smiling. “See? It just needs a little help, but it can fly.”

The boy looked at her, to the sky where the grass blades once were, then to her again. Finally, he smiled, and Willow decided she liked it when the boy smiled. 

“I’m Jess,” he told her, picking at the grass. 

Willow nodded, smiling. “I’m Willow,” she said just as Jess let the wind carry his own blades of grass through the air. 

Willow did the same just moments later.

* * *

After Willow’s parents told her, she immediately asked them to take her to Jess’s house. She knew that his family would be in shambles, and she wanted to do whatever she could to help. 

“Call me when you want to be picked up,” her dad said as they sat in Jess’s driveway. 

They had done this a million times before. This home was her second home for all intents and purposes. She grew up here just like she grew up in her own home. Except this time, Jess wouldn’t be inside to greet her with a hug. He never would again. The thought made Willow’s throat tighten, but she simply cleared it.

“I will,” she nodded, smiling tightly. 

She turned to open her car door when Harry spoke her name, and she turned to face him. 

“I love you, Wills,” he said softly. “And I’m so sorry.”

“I love you too, Dad.”

Then she opened the door and got out. The garage door was open, so she simply went through that entrance. She turned to wave to her dad before walking in. When she did, her stomach immediately dropped.

The house was hushed. She heard sniffles and the sound of quiet tears. In the corner of the room, there was a small, round table with a picture of Jess, smiling, and the sight made Willow’s eyes burn. As she walked further in, she saw Jess’s sister, Avery, sitting with their grandmother, both tear stained. They made eye contact, so Willow went over to offer her condolences. 

“Mum’s upstairs,” Avery said as they pulled away from the hug. “She’ll probably be happy to see you.”

“Okay,” Willow nodded, smiling softly. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do.”

“Thanks, Willow.”

Willow simply nodded before turning towards the stairs. There were a group of kids sitting in Jess’s younger sister, Amy’s, room, and Willow waved at Amy, smiling softly. Amy returned the wave, eagerly, and Willow knew she didn’t understand what was going on. She was only five. Briefly, Willow wondered if Amy would really remember Jess when she got older. The thought made her want to burst into tears, so she quickly shook her head of it.

Just as Willow turned around, Jess’s mum was coming out of the bathroom, flanked by two of her sister’s, as if she needed help simply standing. Willow’s heart broke at the sight.

Then nothing would ever prepare Willow for what happened next. At the sight of Willow, Jess’s mum’s face collapsed. She let out one of the most gut-wrenching noises Willow had ever heard before collapsing into Willow’s arms.

“Willow,” she sobbed in her neck, shaking almost violently. “He’s gone. H-He’s gone.”

Willow squeezed her eyes shut. Tears streaked down her cheeks against her will, and her throat became so tight she couldn’t speak. She would never forget this moment for the rest of her life. This was what it looked like when a mother lost her child. When the unspeakable happened, and it was truly the most heartbreaking experience of her entire life.

Suddenly, any sadness she felt for losing Jess paled in comparison to the despair that his mother felt. The woman who gave him life. She felt a wave of immense sorrow simply for his mother. Because this was something that would break her permanently. A mother was never meant to lose her children. It was something they seldom recover from.

“I’m so sorry, Mrs. Sawyer,” Willow whispered once she gained her voice back. “I’m so sorry.”

Willow simply let this woman break in her arms, and she held her through it. Because she knew. Nothing would ever be the same again.

* * *

_Five Years Ago_

“Whatcha doin’?

Willow looked up from her desk to see Jess walk into her bedroom, plopping down on her bed. She smiled as he made himself comfortable against the pillows. 

“Homework,” she told him, throwing a stray pen at him. “Like you should be doing.”

“Eh,” he shrugged, completely ignoring her suggestion.

Willow looked down to her homework. “Who let you in, anyway?”

“Cayden.”

“Ah,” Willow nodded, “is he still texting Maggie?”

“Religiously.”

Willow didn’t reply, rereading a sentence in her word problem for the umpteenth time. Jess typed away at his phone, silent. It was a moment or two before he broke the silence, and Willow could tell by the sound of his voice something was wrong.

“Willow?” he asked hesitantly. 

“Hmm?” 

“You know Olivia from our grade? The girl with the blonde highlights?”

Willow looked up at Jess, frowning. “Yeah? What about her?”

Jess fiddled with his phone, even though the screen was blank. He seemed nervous, and that made Willow nervous, for some reason.

“Well,” he started, speaking slowly. “She kind of asked me out today.”

Willow’s attention piqued. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Jess nodded. “And I guess I was just wondering your opinion on that.”

 _I hate it,_ she immediately thought. 

“I mean,” she tried forcing a smile. Even to her own ears, her voice sounded flat. “I think it’s great.”

Jess sat up. “You do?”

“Oh yeah, you should definitely go for it.”

There was a pause as Jess seemed to mull that over. Something unpleasantly hot coiled in Willow’s stomach, but she tried her best to ignore it. 

“Okay,” Jess finally said, flatly. “I guess I will then.”

“Okay.”

* * *

Thea made Willow sleep with her that night. Which Willow agreed to with no hesitation. The very thought of being alone made her stomach curl. Besides, she just really wanted her mum.

It wasn’t even ten o’clock when Willow fell asleep, curled against her mum. Thea decided to lay with her, even though Willow knew she wasn’t tired, but it meant so much just to have her mum there.

It seemed like literal seconds later that she was woken up by hushed voices. Not wanting to deal with another conversation, she kept her eyes shut, feigning sleep.

“How is she?” A voice asked, and Willow recognized it as Cayden. Her chest warmed at the sound.

“Not so good,” their mum whispered back. Willow could feel her still lying beside her. 

There were footsteps moving towards the bed. “I wish I was there when she found out,” Cayden said, lowly. 

“You’re here now. That’s all that matters.”

Cayden seemed to mull that over. “Yeah,” he finally agreed after a moment. 

There was some rustling near the nightstand by Willow’s side of the bed. “Make sure she doesn’t have an alarm set,” Thea said softly. “She needs all the sleep she can get.”

“Okay,” Cayden said. Then, “Mum, she has him as her background. Has she always had it like this?”

There was a pause. “No, she must have just changed it.”

Cayden sighed heavily. “How do we get her through this, Mum? He was her best friend.”

The past tense made Willow’s eyes sting. 

“I don’t know, baby,” their mum admitted. “I guess we just have to be there for her.”

“Yeah.”

After that, there were footsteps. Then a door shut. Then silence. 

Willow didn’t fall back asleep for hours. 

* * *

The next morning, Willow woke up to green eyes staring at her, and she almost cried at the relief of seeing them again. 

“Cayden,” she whispered sleepily. 

“Hey, Wills,” Cayden whispered back. 

Willow crawled towards him, resting her head on his chest, and Cayden wrapped his arm around her. Immediately, Willow’s throat began to close.

Cayden squeezed her gently. “You okay?”

She let a stuttered breath before shaking her head. Then, without warning, the dam broke, and she began crying into her brother’s chest. 

“I don’t understand why this happened,” she cried, hiccupping a little. “He didn’t deserve this, Cayden.”

“I know,” he said, sounding choked. “I know, Wills.”

“I miss him so much already.”

“I know.”

* * *

_Three Years Ago_

They laid next to each other on the floor of Jess’s room, watching the ceiling fan as they talked about nothing and everything. 

Jess had just gotten done with re-telling the events of his dream last night, and Willow rolled her eyes at the absurdity of it. 

“Can’t you just have dreams like a normal person?”

Jess scoffed. “What signifies a normal dream?”

“You know,” Willow waved her hand in the air, “showing up to school in your underwear. That kind of stuff.”

“I think Ronald McDonald being my dad is a perfectly normal dream.”

Willow snorted. “Yeah, you would.”

There was a comfortable silence after that. That was what Willow loved about Jess. There didn’t have to be talking every second they were together. They were perfectly comfortable simply being in one another’s presence, without the need to talk.

“Willow?”

She turned to look at him, and their eyes met. “Yeah?”

“We’re going to be best friends forever, right?” he smiled softly. 

Willow turned back to face the ceiling. “Don’t ask stupid questions,” she said. Then, “Of course we will.”

* * *

Willow didn’t say much to her family the next day. After lying in bed with Cayden for a bit, she decided to begin getting ready for the day. As she climbed out of bed, Cayden looked at her, eyes wide. 

“What’re you doing?” he asked.

“Getting up.”

Cayden sat up in bed, staring. “Come lay back down, Wills. You really should just take it easy today.”

“No.” Willow opened the door to the conjoining bathroom. “I need to do normal things. I just- I just have to.”

She didn’t wait to hear his response before shutting the door behind her. Her heart was hammering against her chest, so she quickly turned on the shower before allowing the tears to escape. 

She was sick of crying in front of everyone.

Willow decided to play music, as she typically did when she showered. She wanted things to be as normal as possible. 

_Of all the things I should’ve said_

_That I never said_

Willow’s eyes snapped open as the sound of the song washed through the bathroom, seemingly echoing off the walls. The stream of the shower ran down her face, but she could still feel the burn of the tears. 

_All the thing we should’ve done_

_Though we never did_

_All the things I should’ve given_

_But I didn’t_

The tears began to mix with the shower spray. Willow placed her hand over her mouth to keep the noises at bay. 

_Oh, darling, make it go away_

_Make it go away_

She squeezed her eyes shut, willing with everything in her that this pain would go away.

_Give me these moments back_

_Give them back to me_

_Give me that kiss_

_Give me your hand_

Willow shook her head slowly, knees weakening as she slowly lowered herself to the floor. She pulled her knees against her chest, hiding her face into them. Her body began to wrack with tremors at her efforts to stay quiet. Pressure built behind her eyes, and her chest ached painfully.

She couldn’t do this. 

She just couldn’t.

_Oh, darling, make it go away_

_Make it go away_

* * *

The holidays passed in a whirlwind. 

There was the gloom of Jess’s impending funeral looming over Willow, and Christmas was over in a blink of an eye. She didn’t mind though. She didn’t care much for a holiday without Jess in her life. 

Suddenly, it was the 28th, and Willow was getting dressed in an entirely black outfit, staring at herself in the mirror. 

It was odd to her. Getting dressed up in her best outfit to bury her best friend. It didn’t make any sense to her, yet here she was. 

Thea popped her head into the bathroom. “You ready, love?”

Willow looked at her mum, face void of any emotion. “Yeah, I’m ready.”

She walked outside of the bathroom. Cayden was waiting for her, and he extended his hand as soon as he saw her. Willow smiled tightly, accepting it. 

After that, Willow didn’t remember much until they got to the church. Her family took a seat at the back while she sat in the pew with Jess’s family, right next to Avery. On the other side of her, Amy sat. Then Jess’s parents were at the end. Mrs. Sawyer was leaning entirely on her husband for support, crying openly. Mr. Sawyer had a tight look on his face, pain written all over it, but it was clear that he was refusing to give into it. Willow understood that. 

The first half of the funeral was eulogies, and Willow was asked to give one. Of course, she’d agreed, but as she wrote her eulogy Christmas morning, she quickly wished she hadn’t agreed. 

There were so few words that would explain what Jess was to her. There were no words to truly honor the person he was. But then it occurred to her. Eulogies weren’t for the dead. They were for the living. They were for the grieving to find solace and closure at the wake of a loss. 

And so, Willow wrote with that in mind. 

“And now I’d like to ask Jess’s best friend, Willow Styles, to come up and give a few words about her friend.” The pastor made eye contact with her as she stood. 

He smiled lightly as she made her way to the podium. She couldn’t find it in her to return it. 

“People have always seemed to sum up with world in terms of light and darkness,” she started, voice strong. “People are filled with either light or dark, and they get to choose what they do with either. That will always remind me of Jess and his ever-lasting light. That is one of the things I will always remember about him. His light. It shone bright in the darkest of places, and he somehow always seemed to shine brighter than us all.”

Willow’s voice caught for a moment, and she paused, closing her eyes. 

“But he never just kept that light to himself. He used his brightness to help other people. He shone the way for people when they couldn’t see through their own darkness. That’s the type of person he was.” A tear fell down her cheek. When she spoke next, the emotion was clear in her voice. “He was selfless and loving, and I wouldn’t be the person I am without him.”

A pause. Her breath hitched. 

“I will always carry some of his light with me, and there will _never_ be a day where I don’t think about him. But he’s shining the brightest he has ever shone because he is at peace. I am going to miss so much. Everyday. But his light will never burn out, and because of that, I know he will shine forever within us.”

She looked up, locking eyes with Mrs. Sawyer. Her hand was covering her mouth, body shaking with her sorrow. The sight made the ache in Willow’s chest tighten even further. 

“Thank you,” she whispered into microphone, promptly stepping down from the small stage. 

Immediately, Willow walked towards Mrs. Sawyer, bending down to pull her into a hug. 

“Thank you so much,” Mrs. Sawyer cried into her shoulder. “He would have loved that.”

Willow couldn’t speak, so she just nodded, crying alongside Jess’s mum.

The rest of the funeral passed by in a blur. 

Avery was the last one to speak, and her words completely tore Willow apart. 

“I thought the first time I’d ever give a speech like this would be at your wedding,” she had said. Willow had to cover her mouth with both her hands to keep the cries in.

Mr. Sawyer spoke just before Avery on behalf of him and his wife. Halfway through, he couldn’t finish, too overcome with emotion. 

The suddenly, it was over, and she was watching Jess’s casket being lowered. 

She turned around, meeting Harry’s eyes, and her face crumbled. She stumbled to her father, falling into his arms and crying. 

“I’m so sorry, love,” he whispered into her hair, sounding choked. She felt two other bodies embrace her, and she knew her mother and Cayden were right there. “I’m so sorry.”

But that was all they could say. They couldn’t take it away. They couldn’t make it stop. 

They could only be sorry. And right now, while her chest felt like it was caving in on her, she didn’t know if sorry was enough. 

She just wanted it to all stop.

_Oh, darling, make it go away_

_Make it go away_


	13. when harry comes home drunk

Thea was asleep when she heard a crash then a hushed expletive. Praying to all the gods she knew of that her idiot husband didn’t not wake up their sleeping son, she got out of bed. 

Nothing could’ve prepared her for the sight that met her in the kitchen.

Harry was sitting on his arse in the middle on the kitchen floor, a packet of cheese on his head and several other sandwich-fixings surrounding him. He was looking (read: glaring) at a head of lettuce as if it was the most evil object he’d ever seen.

“What’s going on, love?” Thea asked, leaning against the kitchen entrance. 

Harry looked up at her, eyes wide. His gaze brightened when he saw her then considerably darkened as he looked at the head of lettuce again.

“Lettuce,” he mumbled angrily. The cheese packet was still on his head.

“Yes,” Thea nodded, walking closer to him. “That is lettuce. Can I ask why you and the offensive lettuce are on the floor?”

“It ‘tacked me, Thea,” Harry slurred, slightly annoyed that she didn’t understand already.

“Naturally.”

Thea crouched down, plucking the cheese from his head. The smell of whiskey overwhelmed her, and she scrunched up her nose. 

“Jesus, Harry,” she complained, “how much have you had to drink?”

“Two whiskeys,” he informed, holding up three fingers.

Thea closed her eyes, shaking her head and snickering. When she opened her eyes again, Harry was frowning at her. 

“You’re laughing at me.”

Thea nodded. “Yes, I am.”

The pouting intensified. “Why?”

“Because your tolerance is abysmal.”

“I’m a father, Thea!”

Thea began picking up the sandwich-fixings that surrounded Harry. “I don’t see how the two are related.”

Harry looked at her as if he couldn’t believe she didn’t understand. “You can’t drink with your child, Thea.”

“That would be considered frowned upon,” she said, snickering once again. 

Harry didn’t say anything. He did, however, proceed to sprawl himself across the floor. His limbs twitching every-so-often as if making snow angels into their kitchen floor. 

Thea didn’t remark on that, simply putting everything back into the fridge. 

“Thea?”

Thea turned to Harry. His eyes were already on her, smiling softly. She smiled back.

“Yes, love?”

“You’re pretty.”

Thea’s smile widened. She made a mental note to thank Niall for taking Harry out. Even being interrupted from her sleep, this was totally worth it. 

She closed the fridge. “Thanks. You’re pretty, too.”

A flush stained his cheeks, and Thea’s heart stuttered for a moment.

She walked towards him, holding out her hand. He took it, and she helped pull him to his feet. Harry leaned on her for a moment before straightening, facing her. Thea cupped his cheek, and Harry nuzzled into the touch.

“Let’s head to bed,” she said, stroking his cheek. “You’re going to be hurting tomorrow, love.”

Harry shrugged as she led them to the bedroom. “I don’t mind because I love you.”

Thea tried not to laugh at his drunken logic. “That’s good. I love you, too.”

Harry hummed. “And Cayden.”

Thea led him to the bed, gently guiding him to sit in order to remove his shoes. “What about Cayden?”

“I love him, too,” he said in a _duh_ tone. 

She kissed his cheek, guiding him to lay against the pillows. “I know you do. He loves you, too.”

“That’s good,” Harry smiled, fisting the duvet and pulling it to his chin. 

He closed his eyes, and within two seconds, he was asleep. Thea stood there for a moment, watching him sleep. Her chest swelled with love, and she leaned down to press a kiss to his eyebrow. 

“Love you,” Harry mumbled in his sleep.

Thea smiled. “Love you, too.”

Then she crawled over him and fell asleep beside him.


	14. when thea doesn't sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i’m not sure if this is a trigger warning, but this does contain some depictions of postpartum anxiety, so please be aware! of course there’s a happy ending!

Thea was startled awake for the fifth time by the sounds of her daughter. There was throbbing sensation behind her eyes as she pulled herself from bed. Willow was laying in the bassinet beside their bed, face scrunched up in distress as she cried. 

Harry woke up as Thea was lifting Willow up, pulling her to her chest. Willow cries quieted, but they didn’t stop. 

“Do you want me to get a bottle?” Harry asked, rubbing his eyes. “You’ve taken every wake up for months.”

Thea shook her head, sitting against the headboard. She already had her shirt pulled up, Willow latching almost immediately. 

“She’s had such a hard time with latching,” Thea said quietly. Willow’s eyes fluttered as she ate. “I don’t want to risk bottle-feeding and nipple confusion.”

Harry nodded, but he didn’t say anything, simply scooting forward, placing his chin on Thea’s shoulder and watching their daughter eat.

“Do you reckon we should take her in?” he asked quietly. 

Thea looked at him sharply. 

“For what?” she snapped.

“Well, she still gets up so often, and she’s almost five months,” he explained. 

The rational part of Thea agreed, but she was currently operating on sleep-deprivation, so she was immediately annoyed and defensive of their daughter. Harry just didn’t understand. He wasn’t the one that carried her for nine months. He wasn’t the doctor. He didn’t understand. There was nothing wrong with Willow. 

There was _nothing_ wrong with Willow.

“Plus,” Harry went on when Thea didn’t respond. “She’s always eating, and she hardly ever seems content. It seems like more than colic or reflux at this point.”

“She’s fine, Harry,” Thea hissed, but at that same moment, Willow pulled off, choking. 

Thea cursed under her breath, holding Willow over her shoulder and rubbing her back. Willow eventually worked it out herself, never stopping her coughing or gagging. 

_As long as she was coughing, she was breathing,_ Thea thought. But once again, the irrational and sleep-deprived part of her wanted to fix it immediately, even though she knew Willow could handle it on her own. Her heart beat faster, panic settling in her bones.

When Willow was down choking, she began to cry, feeding off her mother’s panic. Thea’s eye stung almost immediately, standing up and beginning to bounce. When she met Harry’s eyes, they looked sad, as if he was upset that he was right.

 _He’s not right,_ the irrational part of Thea hissed. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” she did actually hiss. 

Harry huffed, dropping his head into his hands. He rubbed his face three times before looking up at Thea. Willow was starting to quiet down, slowly falling asleep in Thea’s arms.

“Fine, Thea,” he said, voice low and serious. “Don’t let me help. It’s not like I helped make her or anything. Or helped raise our five year old.”

_You didn’t carry her. You don’t know._

He stood up, grabbing his pillow and throw blanket. 

“Where are you going?” she demanded as Harry began walking towards the door.

Harry looked at her; exhaustion etched on his face. “I’m gonna sleep on the couch. I’m obviously not needed.”

“Fine, go,” Thea hissed lowly. 

Harry nodded once, walking out of the room. 

When the door shut behind him, tears welled up in Thea’s eyes, falling instantly. She held her sleeping daughter closer to her chest, silently crying in the dark.

* * *

A week later, Thea was a walking zombie. And Harry was perpetually worried. 

She’d slept about two hours every night for the past 6 days, and Willow was progressively getting worse. She ate every hour–sometimes even every 30 minutes, depending on how much she ate–and now she choked almost every feed, sometimes spitting up everything she just got down. 

Things had gotten so bad that Thea never wanted Willow out of her sight. She had an internal alarm clock now, and if Willow didn’t wake up after thirty minutes, Thea woke up in a panic, running over to make sure her baby was still breathing. 

She didn’t let Harry hold her without Thea in the room. He couldn’t give her baths. If he wanted to change her diaper, Thea had to supervise. They were beginning to fight more and more. It was to the point that Harry decided to send Cayden to his mum’s house for a week, so he wouldn’t witness his parents like that.

They both were sleep deprived because whenever Thea woke up, Harry did as well–even if she never noticed. And on the nights where he slept on the couch, he barely got a wink of sleep, listening to Thea leaping out of bed every thirty minutes or Willow’s distressed cries. 

It came to a breaking point when Harry found Thea sitting on the floor next to Willow bassinet, sleeping in the middle of the day. Dried tears stained her cheeks, and even with her eyes closed, Harry could see the dark circles underneath. 

Harry walked up to her, gently shaking. “Thea,” he whispered. 

Thea jolted awake, eyes wide and panicked, immediately looking up. “Willow, is she–”

“She’s fine,” Harry said. “Come on, we need to talk.”

He helped her stand up, and as they stood up, Thea shook her head, looking to check on Willow, regardless of what Harry said. She relaxed when she noticed the rise and fall of her chest. 

“I’m not leaving her,” she said, turning her back to Harry. “She might need me, and–”

Harry grabbed the monitor from the side table, turning it on. “It’s only for a few minutes. She’ll be fine.”

And without her answering, Harry grabbed Thea’s hand, pulling her from the bedroom and into the living room. When they finally made it, Thea snatched the baby monitor from Harry’s hands, checking on Willow twice within ten seconds before looking at Harry.

“What do you want?” she asked, not kindly. 

Frustration bubbled up inside of him. “That’s nice, Thea. That’s really nice,” he hissed, fists clenching at his side. 

“Harry, what–”

“This has gone on long enough, Thea,” he said, voice stern and angry. “We have to take her to go see a specialist. There is clearly something wrong, and she’s not getting enough food, and we’re not getting enough sleep. I’m going _mad_ here.”

Thea scoffed, rolling her eyes but not saying anything.

“What?” Harry prompted, sarcastically. “Do you have something add?”

Thea shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest. “I just find it funny that you say you’re sleep deprived when _I’m_ the one that gets up with her every single time.”

“Yeah, well, you must be too preoccupied to realize that I wake up whenever you get up,” Harry snarled, eyes narrowing. “Besides, I offer to feed but you’re too concerned about nipple confusion to let me help.”

“It could affect her eating ability!” Thea defended.

“She’s already not eating enough, so what’s the difference?!”

Harry knew his voice was rising in volume, but he couldn’t help it. He was tired, and he was worried about his daughter and wife–not too mention frustrated and angry. His emotions were getting the best of him.

Before he knew, Thea crumbled, shoulders sagging in and head dropping to her hands. She began to sob, body shaking. 

“Fuck, Thea, I–”

He was cut off by another sob. 

“I can’t fixed it,” she cried into her hands, hiccuping slightly. “I’m her mum. I’m supposed to be able to fix it.”

Harry gently gripped her wrists, not pulling them away from her face but just touching. 

“I couldn’t fix Cayden, and I’m his dad,” he reminded gently. His thumb rubbed her pulse point.

“But I’m a doctor, too. I’m supposed to fix it, but I can’t.”

He pulled her into his arms, gently rocking. “Shh, baby, it’s okay. _Please_ don’t cry.”

Thea nuzzled into his neck, letting out a wet cry. Tears began soaking the collar of Harry’s t-shirt. 

“I’m a horrible mum,” she cried. “I can’t even help my daughter.”

“Althea,” Harry said firmly but not unkindly. Thea flinched at the use of her full name. 

He cupped her cheeks, pulling her up to look at him. The sobs had stopped, but tears were still flowing freely. Harry wiped them away with his thumb as they fell. 

“Thea, love,” he whispered, “you are the greatest mother I have ever known. You are sleep deprived and full of anxiety, and you still look at the little girl as if she lit the heavens.”

Thea shook her head, bottom lip wobbling. “Don’t lie to me.”

“What? I’m not. Baby, you took in a kid that you didn’t give birth to, saved his life and his father’s, then raised him as your own.” Harry smiled. “That makes you the best mum ever.”

He knew his eyes were shining, but he didn’t care one bit. He loved this woman so much. Even now, when she yelled and wouldn’t let him help her with their daughter, he still loved her with everything he was.

“Besides,” he whispered, pulling her into his neck again. He pressed a kiss to her temple. “You’re not supposed to treat your own family for a reason. It’s different, you know? It’s hard to be rational when it comes to the health of someone you love.”

The tears had stopped, so Harry began to stroke up hair. He knew her eyes had fluttered closed when she let out a soft sigh.

“Let me help, baby. I did successfully take care of Cayden by myself for two years. I know what I’m doing.”

Thea nodded. “I know,” she whispered, voice breaking. “I’m sorry for being so awful.”

Harry shook his head, dismissing the apology. “You’ve been through so much with the pregnancy and postpartum. No need to apologize.”

Thea nodded, relaxing even further into him. “Let’s schedule an appointment with Avery. She’s good with this kind of stuff.”

“Okay.”

“And I think I should see someone about my anxiety,” she said softly. “It’s gotten so much worse during postpartum. I’m constantly anxious.”

Harry nodded, kissing her temple. “I think that’s a good idea.”

Thea pulled away, looking up at him. Even with the red cheeks and swollen eyes from crying, she was still the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. 

“Do you mind if I go take a nap?” she asked softly. “Can you take her when she gets up? There’s breast milk in the fridge, and we’ll switch when I get up.”

Harry beamed, chest filling with warmth. “Of course.”

They would be just fine. 


	15. when cayden is caught

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i can’t even begin to explain how fun this one was to write! dad!harry always gets me, and i feel like this is how he would be with his kids. i also love exploring older cayden, and i hope you love him as much as you loved baby cayden! i hope everyone enjoys! xx

Cayden’s face was bright red.

He knew that much. Even as he stood in the dark, coat closet, unable to see the hand raised in front of him, he could feel the heat radiating from his face. Beside him, Maggie was frozen, stiff and unmoving.

“Maggie, I–”

“Don’t,” she hissed. “For the next seven months, you are no longer allowed to talk to me.”

Cayden looked over at her–well, the dark outline of her–and sighed. “Maggie, it’s not that big of a deal.”

He paused for a moment, waiting for her response. But before she could respond, he said, “Wait, why seven months?”

Cayden flinched as she felt the vicious glare that was suddenly sent his way. “Eight months now.”

“Again, why–”

Maggie’s head fell into her hands, groaning. “I swear to God, Cayden, if you don’t stop talking I will not be held responsible for my actions.”

Cayden’s eyes began to adjust to the lack of light. Maggie’s dark hair was quite frizzy, and something pricked in Cayden’s stomach, knowing his hands caused the disarray. He knew that if Maggie looked at him, her lips would be bright red and slightly swollen. Again, his doing. But most importantly, he knew her eyes would be bright, the light brown nearly shining. Suddenly, Cayden wanted her to look up at him desperately. His fingers twitched, wanting to reach out.

As if Maggie could sense Cayden’s thoughts, she peeked through her fingers.

“Don’t touch me,” she warned. Cayden smiled despite himself.

“Maggie,” he said softly, not daring to reach out. “I know you’re afraid, but we can’t hide in this closet forever.”

“He’s not wrong!” Cayden’s dad suddenly called in a sing-song voice from outside the door.

“Oh, my God!” Maggie called in distress.

“Dad,” Cayden called, “can you just give us a moment, please?”

“Sure, mate,” Harry snickered. Footsteps soon followed.

Cayden turned to Maggie, who had turned to burrow into the wall, possibly hoping it would consume her. Cayden was only guessing.

“Darling,” Cayden tried to placate. A little tension eased from her shoulders, and Cayden smiled softly. “We can’t hide in here forever. My dad knows we’re in here, and it’s also a bit odd.”

“He saw us,” she spoke into the wall. The pout was clear in her voice.

He couldn’t help it. A smile curved his lips.

_Why is she so damn adorable?_

“We were just kissing,” Cayden reminded her.

“Still!”

“You know, it is a bit criminating. Dragging me into a closet and hiding. What if he thinks we’re fuc–?”

“Okay!” Maggie jumped back from the wall. Cayden had to take a wide step back to narrowly miss being punched in the gut. “We’ll go back out.”

“Good.” He leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her cheek. She scowled for a moment, but Cayden could see the lilt of her lips. “Let’s go, darling.”

Slowly Cayden opened the door, squinting his eyes as the light assaulted him. He tried to grab Maggie’s hand, but she swatted him away. Cayden chuckled under his breath.

Harry was sitting on the couch, sipping a pint. He looked up at the sound on the door opening, smirking.

“Well hello, lovebirds,” he said teasingly. Cayden rolled his eyes, but he felt Maggie flinch.

“Dad,” he said in warning.

Harry just chuckled, placing his pint down and standing up. “Look, kids, I’m glad you guys are young and in love–”

Cayden flushed brightly.

“­–and I am rooting for you both. But Cayden, please just let me or Mum know when you’re ready to have se–”

“Dad!” Cayden exclaimed, suddenly unable to make eye contact with either Harry or Maggie. “Please, don’t!”

“Cayden,” Harry seemed suddenly serious. “It’s important that we discuss these things. If you’re thinking about having sex–”

Maggie whimpered as if in pain. Cayden’s cheeks were radiating heat.

“–you need to be safe. Mum and I can help, mate,” he said, smiling. Apparently, completely unaware of the pain he was putting two teenagers through.

“Oh, my God,” Cayden moaned in distress. “It was our first kiss, for Christ’s sake!”

“It was?”

“Yes, Dad!”

“Huh,” Harry looked perplexed. “From the horizontal tango I walked in on, it didn’t seem like your first kiss.”

“OH, MY GOD!” Cayden screeched. Maggie looked as if she might pass out.

Cayden didn’t think he’d ever seen his dad look prouder of himself. He shrugged, smirking.

“No glove, no love, kiddos.”

When Cayden looked over at Maggie, her eyes were up towards the ceiling, face permanently red. She looked beautiful, but he didn’t think it was appropriate to say with his dad standing there, especially given the circumstances.

“Well,” Cayden murmured under his breath, “at least, our first kiss was memorable.”

And the way Maggie looked up him made up for the sex talk he inevitably had with his parents after she left. Her eyes were shining, just as brightly as he knew they would be earlier. He smiled widely at the sight.

Yep, that look _definitely_ made up for it all. 

**Author's Note:**

> come chat with me on tumblr @harry-styleswho xx


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